Big eyes. Fuzzy heads. The cutest little beans you ever did see, right!? They are adorable, your little ones, and yet, they are exhausting.

Exhilarating and… completely depleting.

And it’s just the beginning!

So how do new Moms keep it together under the new pressures?

Here are ten key understandings to help light the way.

1.       Sleep When Your Baby Sleeps

Everybody says this, right? But, no, really… get your sleep. Why? Because sleeping will help you moderate your core affect. Researchers are now delving into how the more primal needs of our body shape our emotional landscape, decision-making, judgement, and well-being, what is called core affect, and the impacts are big. You need to sleep when your baby sleeps so that you can be ready to go when your baby is awake, with your most balanced and embodied self. Sleeping will help you to show up for your baby and yourself in more functional ways. So get your sleep!

2.       Squeeze in That Me Time Wherever You Can

You need it to stay centered. Getting a break from child-care responsibilities will help you to stay grounded. Find ways of fitting in at least a little me time into each day, whether it’s bathing, going for walk or a backyard stroll, or something grander like exercise, yoga, meditation or journaling. Whatever it is you need most and benefit from, even if it’s a morning cup of tea. You are your primary touchstone, so touch down at least once a day with yourself.

3.       Know That Once You Get Into a Rhythm with Your Baby, Your Baby Will Change

The fastest years of growth occur from birth to 2 years old (and again in adolescence), so know that as soon as you feel like you are getting a handle on patterns and rhythms, things are going to change. Your baby will be hitting new milestones, developing new skills and moving in and out of their own flow and cranky transitions. Knowing that the changes are normal can help ease your adjustment to the new, temporary, normal.

4.       Trust your Mama Instincts

If something doesn’t feel quite right, get still and quiet in yourself. The hard part is separating out your anxiety from the deeper truth of what’s going on. Monitor your own feelings and intuitive hits; they are there for a reason (and are also being linked to research on core affect). Trust yourself and your sense of what is working or not working. Investigate further when a nagging feeling keeps tugging at you. Trust your Mama instincts until greater clarity comes.

5.       Build a Culture of Teamwork with Your Partner

Raising a baby is a long-term project. Enlarge your horizon when you think about your partner: you and your partner are going to need each other’s support to raise this child well. The reality of splitting child-care responsibilities 50-50 can be quite tricky. When one parent carries more of the direct childcare responsibilities, resentments can build. Exhaustion can manifest as criticism which can create a withdraw in help from the other partner, just when it is most needed. You and your partner will survive these challenging years together if you learn to work together as a team. Mind your critical words. Cultivating a culture of teamwork takes work. Even if one spouse starts this work, it will have positive impacts on the overall functioning of the family over time. These are learned skills and are often acquired over time and with practice.

6.       Build Your Network of Friends

New Moms need support. Having a baby is one of the biggest changes a woman can go through in life. New Moms’ identities undergo significant change and transition. Meeting and getting-together with other Moms who are undergoing these changes, too, can help you and them transition to the new realities. Join a Mom’s group, join a playgroup and show up for the play dates. You’ll be glad for this company and these growing friendships.

7.       Take Time for Training

This idea is a Positive Discipline parenting tool. It means that you need to take time to show your young and adolescent children how to do something that you want or expect them to do, but it can also refer just as easily to yourself and your spouse. Take time to train yourself and invite your spouse on a regular basis to also get training to improve your parenting (and partnership) approaches and skills. Parenting is the one job that no one expects you to have training for, and yet, it’s probably the one job that you most need training for!

8.       Consider Your Options for Structuring Your Family Life to Best Meet Your Needs

You’re in this for long haul, Mama. Now how are you gonna make it work? Consider your options and your plan for making your life best meet the needs of your family and for your family to best meet your needs. These two opposing “pulls” will be a part of the ongoing tension that mother’s experience in raising kids. Get clear about what would serve both you and your family best. Make your plan, cultivate buy-in from your partner – remember you’re a team. Re-evaluate and pivot when you need to.

9.       Mind Your Significant Other

Make time for your partner. Your partnership is the foundation of your family life. It deserves time, attention, tenderness and care. It’s easy to forget this when raising little ones and throughout the parenting journey. Remembering it will put you on a much stronger path to getting through this odyssey together. Make plans together to spend time alone. Invest the money to take time away together, without your kid(s). What you build over the years will sustain you through rough patches and help you to come out on the other side still enjoying and liking each other.

10.   Enjoy this Time with Your Child(ren)

Presence yourself with you kids. Your child’s childhood is not something to just get through, so that you can get your time and life back. This is it. This is the journey. Work out your own baggage and show up. There is nothing like having a child for helping you to grow up, and it if you show up and allow yourself to be in the present moment with your baby (and your children), it can be amazing and wonderous. So enjoy this time as much as you can. You’ll only have each stage with this baby once.